Today is the due date for the baby I miscarried last summer. I want to remember this baby; I don't want anyone to forget that there should be another child in our family. But I also don't want to dwell on my loss, especially since it's hard on one of my children. Finding the thin line of remembering and not dwelling is hard.
I think about this baby every day, multiple times per day. But I'm not devastated about the loss anymore. Mostly, I think about where I would be in the pregnancy, and I guess now, I'll think about how old this child would be.
As a memorial, we planted this satsuma tree. It's a visual reminder every time I go out in the yard which is every day, but it's not a "pushy" reminder. I thought about doing something special for today like a birthday cake, but I'm not sure how well my other child will deal with it. Maybe next year. I think we're just going to have a nice, quiet day at home, and I won't even mention it to my children because one of them will break down.
I've also found that people are uncomfortable with miscarriages. I guess they just don't know what to say; I know that I didn't before it happened to me. But now I know; "I'm sorry" is enough.
Today, I will quietly remember and mourn the loss of who might have been.
If you've suffered a miscarriage, how do you remember your little one?
First, I am a child of God, adopted into His family through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ. Second, I am helpmeet to my husband John of sixteen years. Third, I am mother to Sarah Beth who is ten years old, to Daniel who turned nine in February, to Rachel who turned seven at the end of January, to Mary who turned five in December, and to Hannah who turned one in February.