Friday, March 20, 2015

Remembering


Today is the due date for the baby I miscarried last summer.  I want to remember this baby; I don't want anyone to forget that there should be another child in our family.  But I also don't want to dwell on my loss, especially since it's hard on one of my children.  Finding the thin line of remembering and not dwelling is hard.

I think about this baby every day, multiple times per day.  But I'm not devastated about the loss anymore.  Mostly, I think about where I would be in the pregnancy, and I guess now, I'll think about how old this child would be.

As a memorial, we planted this satsuma tree.  It's a visual reminder every time I go out in the yard which is every day, but it's not a "pushy" reminder.  I thought about doing something special for today like a birthday cake, but I'm not sure how well my other child will deal with it.  Maybe next year.  I think we're just going to have a nice, quiet day at home, and I won't even mention it to my children because one of them will break down.

I've also found that people are uncomfortable with miscarriages.  I guess they just don't know what to say; I know that I didn't before it happened to me.  But now I know; "I'm sorry" is enough.

Today, I will quietly remember and mourn the loss of who might have been.

If you've suffered a miscarriage, how do you remember your little one?

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