As I have spent time with Rachel, the thought keeps going through my mind that I enjoy her infancy more than I did with my first two children. I certainly do not love her any more than I love Sarah Beth and Daniel. I do not enjoy spending time with her more than her older siblings. I think what I feel is more the absence of worry and being able to relax more in my role as a mother.
Let me see if I can explain this a little better. While I certainly enjoyed Sarah Beth's infancy, I was a new mother. I worried if I was doing things right; I worried if she was doing things right. If she was crying, I had to fix it. I worried about emptying the dishwasher when she was asleep because I might wake her up. I worried about emptying the dishwasher when she was awake because I felt I should be spending that time with her. I was also a new stay-at-home-mom, so I had the added responsibility of that as well.
With Daniel's infancy, I was a relatively experienced mother...of one. My worries were different. I worried about spending too much time with Sarah Beth and not enough with Daniel. I worried about spending too much time with Daniel and not enough with Sarah Beth. I worried when their schedules conflicted: Daniel was due to eat at Sarah Beth's lunch time. I worried when one child was crying while I was busy with the other one. And when Daniel was two months old, we moved from our farm to our current suburban house.
With Rachel, I have more experience as a mother and as a mother of multiple children. I certainly do not know everything, but I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, so to speak. Each of my children gets the attention he needs; there is enough of me to go around. Sarah Beth may get more time today, but Daniel and Rachel will get theirs tomorrow or the next day. Children are more flexible than I give them credit for (and more flexible than I can sometimes be!). Sarah Beth and Daniel don't mind waiting a few extra minutes for breakfast because I am busy feeding Rachel. And if Rachel starts fussing while I'm busy with one of her older siblings, well, it won't hurt her to cry for a few minutes.
It has been fun to watch my evolution as a mother. What is your experience? Did you have similar worries? Did you have different ones? Were you just more relaxed and less worried from the beginning? Have you followed a path similar to mine?
4 comments:
My experience is with the twins who are now 4. They were so sick when born (prematurely) and stayed so very sick for years. I was uptight for a long time and still am in certain cases but have loosened up quite a bit.
I never had just one child at a time so I never worried much about giving one more attention than the other...I just did my best and most of the time could mangage feds at the same time and such.
Crying is good for children, even at the age they are now. It helps them realize Mommy doesn't jump just because they are inpatient.
Thanks for sharing this! I'm adding #3 in about 8 more weeks. I'll look forward to seeing how it is different for me this time!
I really, really enjoyed this post. You hit right on the head all of the things that I worry about. Being a mommy is kind of stressful, but it's still the greatest thing in the whole world!
Marva, you had more than my share of worries. Two premies at once -- that's a handful of worries!
Babychaser, good luck! I think you'll enjoy it.
Angela, I'm glad you enjoyed this post. I look forward to hearing that you're expecting number 2 (whenever that happens) and to seeing your progression as a mother.
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